Found Alive, Dick in Jar of Applesauce
If you are ever going to be caught do anything perverse or sexual in nature then this is it. Not only is it the best way to be found dead, but after further review, it's the best way to be found alive.
There is no explanation, nothing to say that can save the situation. "I was just..." There is no end to that sentence that will work for you. You also can't run any mess about being curious about the texture since you didn't like the pudding and expect to get anywhere with that, believe me.
It's not all bad though, being caught with your dick buried up to your balls in a jar of applesauce can certainly carry any boring conversation you get find yourself in. Say some boring prick is droning on, BOOM, you interrupt with "My girlfriend's sister caught me punishing a jar of applesauce." The conversation just got a lot more interesting. Living in infamy is better than listening to that prick describe his childhood infatuation with butterflies.
--Jbritz